Timothy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Day
by Oxymoronic Alliteration
Summary: Fresh off the Chimera, Tim's luck goes from bad to worse to horrible. Written for the Work in Progress Challenge. Spoilers for "Chimera" and mention of "Cover Story."
1. Chapter 1

"You feeling okay, Probie?"

Tim shot his co-worker a weary glare. "We just spent twenty-four hours on a rocking ship with no sleep, Tony. How do you _think_ I feel?" His stomach churned as he recalled the Chimera, remembering every sway and bob he'd felt while aboard. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't gotten a slight satisfaction out of seeing the evil thing destroyed.

"Seasickness brings out the snark in you," Tony commented, giving the young agent a slap on the back. "We've been given the okay to leave and catch up on our forty winks."

Sleep! Oh, how Tim would love to fall into his comfortable bed and not awake until the next morning. He almost drooled imagining the soft, luscious pillow beneath his head and the fluffy and warm comforter wrapped around his large frame. The mattress was beginning to sag a bit, but he hadn't a doubt that his glorious mattress would ease every touch of pain and soreness which resonated within his body. He could be a regular Rip Van Winkle, falling asleep for a hundred years!

But Tim's luck, as per usual, was poor.

"I've got a date," he grumbled.

"Well, that should be cause for celebration, right? I mean, how often do you have contact with members of the female sex? It is a she, isn't it?"

"Yes, Tony, it's a date with a girl," Tim replied bitterly. "Her name is Jana. We met at the library."

The older agent rolled his eyes. "Of course you did."

"The problem is we're supposed to be meeting in two hours and I look and feel like crap!"

"Well, if she actually agreed to this date she obviously doesn't care so much about looks, now does she?"

"Don't listen to Tony, McGee," Ziva said. "He's only jealous that he has no woman waiting eagerly for him."

"Thanks, Ziva," Tim said, placing a hand over his still queasy stomach. "I only wish that I felt better."

"You have time. Perhaps you should go see a doctor and get something to quell your rumbling tummy."

"Just don't ask Ducky," Tony suggested. "He's as tired as we are and he has to go home to a pack of yapping canines."

Tim checked his watch. Sure, he could slip in quickly at the doctor's office and get a check-up, rush home to make himself presentable, and then high-tail it to the small restaurant where he and Jana were to meet, but he knew he'd be cutting it close. "I don't know. Maybe I'll be okay to just..." His words were cut off as he rushed to a nearby trash bin and empties what little remained in his stomach.

"You were saying, McGee?" Ziva asked when he finally lifted his head.

"Okay," he groaned. "To the doctor it is..."

* * *

**AN:** This will be a short one (four chapters). One chapter per day as usual!


	2. Chapter 2

Tim wasn't sure how long he sat on the uncomfortable examination table, staring at the baby blue walls. He had managed to get to a doctor's office, but had found that the only doctor available was a pediatrician. So now he was stuck in a much too cheery room with hideous blue walls, plastered with pictures of cartoon characters. They were all mocking him in his misery.

"I hate SpongeBob."

"I am sure he is not very fond of you, either,' Ziva said, not even looking up from her magazine. The Mossad agent, seeing that Tim was in no condition to be on the road, had offered to serve as his personal chauffeur for the computer geek, at least until he was feeling better.

"You could have stayed in the waiting room, you know."

"Yes, but if you need to get a shot, I can be here to hold your hand," she said with a teasing grin. "Now behave and you may get a lollipop."

Tim was about to retort to what may or may not have been a double entendre when the door opened and a kindly middle-aged man with a nametag reading "Dr. Lawson" stepped in. "Hello, Mr. McGee," the man said with a broad smile after consulting his clipboard. "What brings you in here today?"

"A rather violent bout of seasickness," Tim explained. "I spent the last twenty-four hours on a boat and…well, my stomach just didn't much care for it."

"Do you suffer from seasickness often?"

As if in response, Tim gulped down the sensation of rising bile. "Any time I'm on the water."

"Did you take any medicine prior to boarding the boat?"

"Dramamine."

"How many doses?"

"Um…about ten through the course of the night."

Dr. Lawson raised his eyebrows. "Well, let's see if we can't find something to ease the sickness." He began going through his cabinet, pulling out cartoon covered medical tools which probably were far more comforting to children than they were to a thirty-year-old federal agent. "Aha!" he exclaimed as he produced a bottle. "Two tablespoons of this should have you feeling like new," the doctor explained, pouring red liquid into a medicine cup. He held it out to Tim. "It's cherry flavored."

Tim downed the medicine – noting with disdain that it tasted nothing like cherry – and handed the medicine cup back to the doctor. "How long should it take to go into affect?"

"You should be feeling better in no more than half an hour," Dr. Lawson said. "I must tell you, though, that the medicine might make you a bit drowsy."

Upon hearing that, Tim doubled over slightly. "What? Why didn't you tell me that before you gave it to me!"

"McGee, it is fine," Ziva said soothingly as she took his arm.

"I have a date! I can't be falling asleep! She'll think I'm not interested!"

"You will be okay!" she insisted. "Now calm down or you get no lollipop."

* * *

Tim was still angry – though his ire had managed to take his mind off the sickness in his stomach – as he and Ziva left the doctor's office. It seemed like any time he had a date something had to ruin it for him.

"Shall I bring you back to your car?" Ziva asked. "Or should you even be driving?"

Before he could answer, his cell phone began jingling from within his pocket. He pulled it out, not sure who could be calling him at this time. "Hello?"

"Hi, Toby!" the voice chirped brightly.

"Uh, it's Tim."

"Oh, right! Sorry! It's Jana!"

Tim brightened, his eyes lighting up. "Jana! Hey! Are we still on?"

"Actually, I have some news about our date…"

He winced. Once again, his date was on a one-way road to disaster. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"No, silly, it's fine! I just figured that instead of going out to a noisy, crowded restaurant, you could come to my apartment for a nice, homemade meal!"

"Uh…sure," he said uncertainly. "That sounds fine, but I don't know the way."

"Oh, it'll be a snap to find! I just hope you aren't at the restaurant already."

"Well, no. Our date isn't for another hour…right?"

"Hour? I thought we were going to meet at 6:00pm."

"6:00?" he repeated. "That's only ten minutes from now!"

"Yeah…is that a problem?"

A problem? He hadn't changed, he had ten minutes to get to his date, and he might get drowsy at any moment. "No," he said levelly. "No problem at all."

"Good!" she chirped. "Then I'll see you soon?"

"I might be a little late," he admitted. "But I'll be there! I promise!"

"Yay! Bye, Toby!"

"It's…Tim," he said as the phone clicked off on the other end.

Ziva was looking at him expectantly. "I take it there has been a change in plans?"

He looked at her sheepishly. "I know it's a lot to ask, but could you drive me to my date?"

"Will I be waiting up for you, or do you think you'll be spending the night?" she asked with an impish grin. Her question caused Tim to blush.

"We'll play it by ear," he said.

"Play it by ear?"

"Just answer me yes or no, Ziva."

"Very well," the woman said. "I shall continue my position as your chauffeur. But I expect to get something in return," she added slyly.

Tim suddenly wondered what he'd gotten himself into.

* * *

**AN:** Please note that the full title of this fic is Timothy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, but I had to shorten it because this website doesn't allow titles that long!


	3. Chapter 3

"Hi!" Jana greeted enthusiastically as she pulled Tim into a hug. "I thought you were never going to get here."

Tim weakly returned the embrace, the effects of his sickness medicine beginning to set in. It was bad enough that he was still wearing the clothing he'd run around in while on the Chimera and that he was liable to drop at any moment. To be half an hour late only added to the problems. "Yeah," he said drowsily, "sorry about that. I had a bit of trouble."

His date, though, seemed undeterred by all of this. Any other girl would have wrinkled her nose at her date showing up thirty minutes late in dirty clothing and in a state of marked drowsiness, but Jana took it all in stride, giving him a large, bright smile. "It's fine! The important thing is that you're here now!"

Tim returned her smile, feeling slightly re-energized by the young girl's spunk. For once, it seemed that things were going well.

"So are you hungry?"

"Famished," he said. "I haven't eaten much today."

"Well, Toby–"

"It's, uh, Tim," he said for the third time.

"Oh, right!" she said with a blush. "Well, I've got a great dinner planned for you," she told him as she led him into the kitchen. A small table had been set up, complete with candles and a single rose in a vase. The wine had already been poured. "I thought this would be more intimate."

"After the day I've had, this looks wonderful."

"Hard case?"

"You wouldn't believe it."

"Agent Tommy giving you grief again?"

"Actually, no, he was pretty…" Tim trailed off as what she had just said sunk in. "Agent Tommy?"

"Isn't he your co-worker?"

"No, that's Tony…and I don't think I ever told you about him."

The sparkle in Jana's blue eyes waned momentarily, but it soon returned with full force. "Of course you did!" she insisted. "You told me all about Tommy and Officer Lisa and Tibbs, your boss."

Tim fell into a nearby chair, memories of Landon, his crazed fan, flashing through his mind. "Oh no…" he muttered.

"And then there was that Goth girl Amy and Pimmy and Birdie!" she completed, counting each name off on a finger. "You told me all about them."

Tim looked at the young woman warily. He had to proceed cautiously. "Jana…what's my name?"

She gave him a strange, yet amused, look. "That's a silly question! You're Toby McGregor!"

This was not happening. This was all a dream…or a hallucination. He'd been on a boat with little food and no sleep for twenty-four hours and had then been given a strange by a doctor medicine, so it wasn't unlikely that this was all a figment of his imagination, right?

"You know, I think we should take a rain check on this date," he said as he stood shakily. "I've had a tough day and I'm not feeling that great…"

"Oh, poor baby!" Jana cooed. She firmly placed her hands on his shoulders, causing him to freeze in his place. "I can nurse you back to health."

"No, no," he told her as he extracted himself from her grasp, "that's okay. I just need to go home and get some sleep." But his protests were in vain.

"We haven't eaten," she said, blocking his path to the door. "I worked very hard on this meal."

"I'm sure you did," he replied, his words slurring together. He felt himself growing wearier and weaker. In this state he couldn't fight off even a girl as petite as Jana. He was trapped.

"Now why don't we sit down and enjoy a nice meal?" Jana asked softly, slipping her arm through his.

"Ziva!" he called out with all the energy he could muster. "Help!"

"Stop shouting," Jana said. "Just sit!"

He was vaguely aware of someone knocking at Jana's door. His head was beginning to cloud over, almost as though he was in a fog, but he was pretty sure he heard Ziva's voice coming from the other side; he _hoped_ it was her voice.

"Open this door or I will break it down!" the might-be-Ziva's voice threatened.

"We're busy in here!" Jana said, her voice as sweet as honey.

"I told you to open the door!"

Jana wrapped her arms around the now sluggish Tim. "Go away!"

"That is it!" came the angry voice. The door flew open and Ziva stood there looking not unlike a guardian angel...a very pissed off guardian angel. Her hair fell about her shoulders, her eyes blazed as she stared down Tim's date. If he weren't seconds away from dropping, Tim probably would have found the sight very arousing.

"I told you I would break it down," Ziva said in a calm tone. "Now release him or I will do to you what I did to your door!"

* * *

**AN:** One more chapter to go!


	4. Chapter 4

The beautiful blue nightie looked glorious against her olive-tinted skin. The bust dipped down, giving one a glimpse of even more beautiful skin. The hem of the nightie came to just below the bottom of her private regions and brushed femininely against her thighs. The article of lingerie was silky to the touch. In fact, if one were to brush his fingers across it, it would feel as though she were wearing nothing at all.

Of course, in order to appreciate the sexy ensemble, one had to be conscious.

"McGee," Ziva said, nudging the man who lay beside her on the bed.

"Yeah..." he moaned.

"I save you from a crazed fan and this is how you repay me?"

"Yeah..."

She knew it wasn't an intentional slight on his part. He was, after all, on medication. She had hardly gotten him back to her car before he finally crashed, falling into a deep and much needed sleep. Not sure what else to do, she brought him back to her apartment. He managed to come back to consciousness long enough to walk to her apartment before he fell atop her bed, clutching her pillow into his face.

"McGee," she repeated, this time with a deep and sexual tone, "I am wearing something very special just for you."

"Yeah..." he repeated for a third time, that seeming to be his only answer to any question asked of him.

"It's sexy and silky." No reply. "McGee! I am practically naked, waiting for you to take me!"

"...Yeah..."

Frustrated, Ziva flopped back beside the unresponsive man. Men could be so infuriating at times! "Very well! Since you do not seem to be interested, I shall simply have to change into something more comfortable!"

Ziva strode to the bathroom, a shapeless pair of grey pajamas in hand. Tim remained snuggled under the covers, a restful smile on his face. While he was, at the moment, content with his current state, he was also blissfully unaware of the opportunity he had just missed.

* * *

**AN:** The end! Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed!


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